Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
