i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
