I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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