Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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