Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
