Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
