sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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