Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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