Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
we're so committed to being not committed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
