this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
