There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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