Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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