I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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