I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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