your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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