You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
