So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Still dying that you shit outside
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
