Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
