There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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