The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
