well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
