Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
