Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
