I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
