She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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