there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
