I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
