.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
