oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're not piercing ourselves today.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
