THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
