Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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