We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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