If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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