I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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