i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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