I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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