how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
