R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
