He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
