you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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