She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
