best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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