I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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