You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I didn't notice because vodka
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
