I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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