i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
