If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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