i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
