you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
