I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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