dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
