And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
