That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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