It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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