I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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