If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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